Scattered

Have you ever felt... scattered? Like bits of you were strewn across your life. That would pretty much describe my mental state as of late. Busyness, sleeplessness, and stress seem to combine at times to make life... complicated. I started reading the book The Heavenly Man, which is a true story of a severely persecuted man in China, and I was disconcertedly reawakened to the reality that God did not promise us a pleasant pathway. Life is not always whimsical and placid. Christians don't always 'have it together.' To me, the very thought that I would demand such a thing sounds nearly arrogant. I am not required to have it all together; I am simply required to have the simplistic faith of a child. There is only One Who can ‘have it all together,’ and my faith should be in Him.

I’ve been given a few opportunities lately to test that faith, which is a gift in itself. In reality, I do not so much fear or detest trouble and pain. It has a way of purging you, of focusing. It has a way of drawing you to the One with answers. He rarely gives them, but just knowing He has them is often enough.

There is such comfort in knowing the Designer. In the end, I am continually brought back to Him. He Who knows my faults, my potential, my every thought, and yet loves me. Who remembers my frame, and that I am but dust (Psa. 103:14). Who does not expect more of me than I can give, Who provides just the amount of grace that I need for each day, and Whose mercies are new every morning (Lam. 3:22-23). I don't have to understand it all. I don't have to feel solidified and confident, I must simply keep in step with Him, and as the servant looks to his master, so I must look to Him (Psa. 123:2), the One who can sympathize with my weaknesses (Heb. 4:15), and Who loved me, even when I didn't deserve it (Rom. 5:8). To Him, and Him alone, be all glory (Rev. 7:12)!
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