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Our Personal Counseling Theory: The J.O.Y. Theory

Dwight Habecker, Megan Walsworth, and Ryan Watters

God’s Bible School and College


Abstract

This paper discusses our biblical theory of counseling titled The J.O.Y. Theory. The use of J.O.Y. in the title is representative of three areas where peace must be found in relationships with Jesus (God), others and (your)self . We discuss the core problems and needs that would require counseling, techniques of how to counsel and how to know when the problems have been fixed and the needs have been met. One way to reach this peace is through the theory of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. We can know that these needs have been met by seeing evidence of positive changes in actions and attitudes toward the relationships with God, others and self. Overall, peace is the main goal of mending broken relationships.

Our Personal Theory of Counseling: The J.O.Y. Theory

Throughout modern society and the civilized world for that matter our world is defined by how we relate with each other. Why then is there so much tension and conflict in our world today? The answer lies in the fact that we do not have peace in our interpersonal lives. The key to peace in our interactions is faced mainly on our present relationship with God. The second major aspect of interactions is how we relate to others. Do we respond with a kind, indifferent, harsh or sarcastic word? Our lives are defined by the answer to this question. Not only is our modern world defined by our relationships with God and others, it is also completed by how we interact with ourselves. If you put them all together you get J.O.Y. Our healthy interactions with Jesus, others and yourself creates a joy that we can live by and truly be at peace in society. How is it all possible? We will explore the J.O.Y. Theory and how it creates fullness in our lives.

Core Problem(s)/Needs

One of the key elements of a healthy relationship is that peace abides within that relationship. Knowing that there is nothing blocking the ability for an intimate relationship gives deep peace to the person seeking intimacy. In counseling, the core problem is that the counselee is not at peace with God, others or himself (Miles, p. 8). This is where the idea for the J.O.Y. Theory comes in – Jesus, others, and yourself. In any counseling situation the core problem of the counselee can be traced back to a lack of peace in a relationship with God, other people, or himself. After analyzing this theory, we’ve come to find that any problem really can be linked back to at least one of these three. In Psalm 34:14 David says, “Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it.” The counselor’s job is to help the counselee find that peace – whether it be asking forgiveness of God and making restitution, forgiving someone for a wrong made against him or her, or developing a proper concept of self. Romans 5:1 says “…having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.” Romans 12:18 – “If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men” (NASB). And Philippians 4:7 says, “And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” These three Scripture references explain how we can have peace with God, others and ourselves.

Another part of this theory is a play-on-words from our title – J.O.Y. To have a right relationship with anybody the counselee must understand that they need to find joy in Christ. Jesus Christ is our ultimate security. Without this joy one cannot be in and know what a right relationship is. Jesus said in John 15:11, “These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full.”

Techniques in Counseling

In this next section of our theory, we will examine how to solve the core problem of broken relationships with God, others, and ourselves. Once an individual has lost his or her peace in their relationships; what can they do? We will begin with observing how one could possibly fix a broken relationship with Jesus in this first step of the J.O.Y. Theory.

Fixing a broken relationship with God can be done by using Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Theory. According to Richard Miles’ class notes, “faith in God meets our needs” (personal communication, March 23, 2008). Therefore, with faith in God, as well as the step by step process of God meeting our needs, beginning with the lower needs such as physical security and safety and moving upward to self-actualization, our relationship with God can be healed. Matthew 6:33-34 lays the foundation that if we seek first the kingdom of God, we will not have to worry about the future. As Maslow’s theory develops, it is clear that God has already provided for us. Verses such as Matthew 6:34, Romans 5:8, Philippians 1:21 and I John 3:16 all imply that to heal a broken relationship with God, we must put our trust in Him and His care for our physical, relational, and emotional needs (personal communication, March 23, 2008).

In addressing the second part of our core problem, counseling somebody else who is struggling with his or her interactions with others would be based on Dr. McMinn’s Relational Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. We would begin by first trying to determine which emotions are at play. Are the emotions healthy? Do some emotional reactions need fixed while others are acceptable? We would next investigate the attitudes and thoughts that lie at the core of the individual. The relational aspect is caused by interactions with others, the cognitive is what goes on inside the head of the client (or the emotional reaction), and the behavior flows from the cognitive reasoning. The key is to fix the core beliefs or attitudes, and the behavioral characteristic will turn around, and finally followed by healthy interpersonal relationships (personal communications, March 23, 2008).

In the final section of our J.O.Y. Theory, focusing on ourselves comes to the center. David Seamands’ book Healing for Damaged Emotions is the basis for this section of our theory. Part of the core problem of humanity is relating to ourselves. Seamands creates the concept that many people have an image of themselves that is called the “Super You.” “Super You is a false idealized image you think you have to be in order to be loved and accepted” (Seamands, 2004, p. 102). This image of ourselves shapes who we are, or at least think we are. Many times in our Christian walks, we have this image of ourselves according to what we perceive God to think of us. We believe that because we serve a God who is totally perfect we must ourselves be perfect to be like Him. This becomes dangerously close to diving into a performance model of theology instead of a constant step-by-step process of continuing holiness. However, this concept is not biblical. God made us to be like we are. When we pray, we need to be real before God and not present our false Super You. It is damaging to consider ourselves to be more than we actually are. A Super You concept will hamper us from living up to all that God wanted us to be (p. 102-108). “When you waste time and energy trying to be Super Self, you rob yourself of growth and the friendship of God. And you never let God accept and love Real You for whom Christ died” (p. 108). It is essential for Christians to live real. We are telling God that His creation is not good enough and not able to live up to the high calling when we are living with the perception of Super Self. Christians need to be real!

Assessing Success

We have already established what the basic need or problem is, and the techniques we would use to meet the need or correct the problem, but when do we consider the counseling successful? In other words, how do we assess whether or not our goal was met? To do this we take you back to the J.O.Y. Theory goals, to be at peace with Jesus, others, and yourself.

First, is the person at peace with God? This is the first aspect of potential success to be considered. As we have already stated, we believe the need for a person to be in a right relationship with God is paramount to everything else. As was earlier referenced in Romans 5:1, if a person is ever to be completely healed, and at peace, they must be in a right relationship with God through saving faith in His Son, Jesus Christ. This can be assessed both by the client’s personal confession and the fruit that his or her life bears.

Second, is the person at peace with others? This peace can be assessed by observing the client’s attitude and demeanor toward those around him. For example, is the client harboring bitterness toward anyone? Is there a lack of forgiveness in his or her life? Is there unresolved anger toward another person? Does the client have healthy, vibrant relationships with others? Let us pause here to state that we realize that it may not always be possible to be in a healthy relationship if the other party does not wish it, or acts improperly. However, the client should have the correct attitude toward that person, one of forgiveness, and goodwill. Romans 12:18, which was also quoted earlier, bears repeating, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men” (italics added). In summation, the client should be, if at all possible, in a healthy relationship with those around him, which is brought about by forgiveness of past wrongs, and a release of the guilt or anger associated with the other party.

Third, is the person at peace with self? This stage can be assessed by observing the person’s emotions and attitude toward him or herself. It is characterized by a right concept of self. This would involve a low level of negative “self-talk” or feelings, a sense of acceptance about the past, and of hope and confidence for the future. Also, a healthy view of both his or her strengths and weaknesses is vital to a right concept of self.

When all three of these elements, Jesus, others, and yourself are brought into alignment, the goal of the J.O.Y. Theory will be met, and peace will be found. And it is in this peace that we can live a consistent, Christlike life to fill our ultimate calling found in Deuteronomy 6:5, “and you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might” (NASB). It is in the pursuance of peace, which will lead us to seek right relationships that we can truly begin to live Christ-centered and God-glorifying lives.

References

Miles, R. (2008). [Introduction to Counseling]. Personal Communications.
Miles, R. My Personal Theory of Counseling. A class assignment at Liberty University of LifeLong Learning.
Seamands, David A. (2004). Healing for Damaged Emotions. Colorado Springs, Colorado:
Life Journey.