Written for: Crisis Counseling
Date Written: 5/05/2010
Pornography Addiction
Ancil Brathwaite, Olivia Odero and Ryan Watters
God’s Bible School and College
Pornography Addiction
The use of
pornography has grown to be one of the top time
consuming activities and most devastating problems in
society today. According to Webster’s Dictionary
(2010), pornography
is “The depiction of erotic behavior (as in pictures or
writing) intended to cause sexual excitement” or “the
depiction of acts in a sensational manner so as to
arouse a quick intense emotional reaction.” According
to the Britannica Encyclopedia,
it is a
“Representation of sexual behavior in books, pictures,
statues, motion pictures, and other media that is
intended to cause sexual excitement” (emphasis ours).
Pornography
is available all around us, and is becoming more and
more accessible to both young and old. While adult
bookstores, peepshows and movie theaters still thrive,
the fastest growing sectors of the industry are
pornographic videos, the Internet, cable television,
billboards, and phone sex. Pornography is no longer
confined to the seedier sections of town. It is readily
available to all, including children, and in the
privacy of our own homes. One source says, “It reflects
not only the increasing privatization and fragmentation
of our culture, but also our ambivalence about
sexuality” (as cited by Brock, n.d.).
One of the most common driving forces for pornography
addiction are emotional deficiencies, such as
insecurity, low self-esteem, anxiety, loneliness, and
especially the need for intimacy. It is also used to
satisfy physical lustful desires. Abuse, whether it is
cultural, emotional, physical, sexual, or even
spiritual, often entices its victims into pornography
as well. Some other driving causes of pornography are
curiosity and unhealthy family dynamics.
Pornography is very prevalent among 12 to 17 year old
boys. The average
teenager spends three to four hours per day watching
television, and 83% of the programming most frequently
watched by adolescents contains sexual content.
The survey
also stated that 1/3 of 13 year old boys in Alberta,
Canada admitted to viewing porn (Genung, 2005). This
prompted researchers to investigate the cause for these
startling statistics. They found that pornography is
often used as the primary source of sexual education
for teenage boys. The problem
is, this is not just a stage from which boys will
eventually emerge. Addiction to pornography is
extremely prevalent among adult males as well. An
addiction begun as a teenager may continue well into a
man’s adult years. In fact, 77% of all
online visitors to adult content sites are male
(Genung, 2005). But pornography is not a “men only”
problem. Statistics show that 17% of all women also
struggle with porn addiction (Genung, 2005).
The use of
pornography has also shockingly grown more common in
the church. Christian men and women, pastors and
leaders struggle intensely with pornography addiction.
In a survey in August, 2006, it has been proven that
50% of all Christian men and 20% of all Christian women
are addicted to pornography. 60% of the women who
answered the survey admitted to having significant
struggles with lust (Genung, 2005). According to
www.promisekeepers.org, 50% to 60% of Christian men
including, pastors and church leaders, are addicted to
pornography. 85% of men 18-30 years struggle with a
pornography addiction (McCartney, 2008).
The use of pornography continues to bombard society,
and it has become one of the greatest battles that the
church is involved in. It has a significant and
profound negative effect on its viewers, and the effect
it has on human lives, and society as a whole, is very
devastating. The rampant proliferation of pornography
has brought concerns about its harmful effects on
children, as it creates emotional trauma and many other
mental and physical complications. Some researchers say
that exposure to pornography can affect the natural
development of a child's brain. Children who view
pornography tend to want to have sex at an early age;
they tend to become very antagonistic towards being
married or having a family, and they tend to be at
higher risks of sexual compulsion and
addictions.
Second,
pornography has negative effects on the family. It
fosters a lack of communication, unity, and intimacy in
the home. Fathers fail to spend time with children,
etc. 47% percent of families said pornography is a
problem in their home, (Focus
on the Family Poll, 2003).
Third, pornography has great effects on marriage.
Failure to deal with the addiction can cause broken
marriages, or lead to divorce. It destroys trust and
openness, and since it is most times done in secret, it
can lead to deceit and lies. There is also the
infidelity factor that we cannot leave out as a common
result of pornography addiction.
Additionally, pornography has a real alarming effect on
the church. As it destroys the church, it is
simultaneously destroying the nation. Without action
the problem will only get worse. Pornography also has
great effects on society.
Conservative
Christian groups argue that pornography undermines
basic moral standards and human dignity, and that it
stimulates violent acts such as rape, child
molestation, sexual violence, and other deviant sexual
behavior. 57% of pastors say that addiction to
pornography is the most sexually damaging issue to
their congregation (Genung, 2005).
Some other
significant effects include its ability to shape
attitudes and influence behavior. It also exploits
women and children by demeaning and objectifying them,
thereby robbing them of their dignity and self-rights.
Pornography also escalates the intensity of the fantasy
to higher and higher levels of lust. Fantasy is created
by a need to satisfy deep emotional and spiritual
longings, and it often involves masturbation which is
the physical expression of lust and perhaps the only
touching the addict receives. It also leads to a
plethora of inappropriate fetishes: 1) voyeurism – an
obsession with visual stimulation that minimizes all
other features of a healthy relationship, 2)
objectification
– an
obsession with body parts at the expense of the whole
person, 3) trophyism
– treating
women as collectibles and property, and 4)
validation
– a condition
in which a man needs beautiful, sexy or sexually
submissive women to validate himself and his
masculinity (Laaser,
2004)
Case
Study Scenario
A happily married couple in their early thirties is
faced with a dilemma in their marriage. They have been
married for 12 years and have three kids, ages 6, 8,
and 10. The husband was exposed to pornography in high
school, and has been addicted ever since. He struggles
to be a Christian, and feels shame and guilt. However,
he is reluctant in acknowledging the problem and fails
to admit the severity of it. Because of this, he is
often conflicted, and sometimes belligerent about the
whole issue. His wife is incensed about the addiction
and demands that he seek help. He starts sensing
avoidance from his wife, and feels that his family is
beginning to disintegrate before his very eyes.
Assessment
Step 1: Defining the Problem
It is
important to assess the severity of the addiction when
helping a client struggling with pornography. As
Clinton and Trent (2009) state, “In the assessment
process you need to evaluate the length of time the
person has been involved in this activity and the
extent of the involvement” (p.223). The counselor must
discern what level the client is currently at to be
better able to assist him or her in the recovery
process. Ask the client for a history of their
struggle, and how it has affected their lives in the
past. In our scenario, we may ask the husband questions
such as, “When did you first become involved in
pornography?
How many people are aware of your struggle? How has it
affected you over the years?” and so on. It may also be
helpful at this point to have them fill out a survey
such as the Sexual Addiction Screening Test, or the
Sexual Addiction Inventory, to gain a more objective
view of the severity of the addiction.
The approach used in the counseling session will be a
mixture of nondirective and collaborative counseling.
The commitment to overcome pornography must come from
within the client. It is not something that the
counselor can do for them. Our main role is to provide
support and guidance in their battle for victory over
sexual addiction. We can also help by raising awareness
of the problems that the addiction creates. For
example, we may ask the husband, “What problems has
this addiction created for you over the years? What do
you fear may happen if the addiction continues?” Until
the client is fully convinced of the need to break the
cycle, the counselor’s hands are tied. This is a client
driven recovery process. The counselor simply helps to
facilitate the means, provide possible methods, and
give their support.
Step 2: Ensuring Client Safety
A key thing
to look for when talking with your client is any
tendency toward self-loathing or self-deprecation.
While some of this will accompany nearly every sexual
addiction, if taken to an extreme, it can prove
dangerous. If you see extreme signs of self-hatred, ask
the client if he or she has ever had any thoughts of
harming themselves or others. If they answer, “yes,”
then ask them if they have ever thought of ways to do
it, or even taken steps to accomplish it. If they
continue to answer, “yes,” then have them fill out a
lethality assessment. While this will not be necessary
for every client, be prepared for the contingency.
Step 3: Provide Support
One of the
more important things that a counselor can do for their
client is simply to be there for them. Your client may
come in dealing with an overwhelming amount of guilt
and shame, and if the counselor greets them only with
condescension, it can easily drive the client past the
normal levels of guilt, and into despair. Let the
client know that you will not give up on them. Ensure
them that you care. They are probably feeling deep
rejection from other sources; many times from those
they love the most, such as their family. It is the
counselor’s role to view them with unconditional
positive regard. Are we accepting their sin? No, but we
are placing value on them, even if they are struggling
to overcome sin.
Step 4: Examining Alternative
With this
step begins the action phase of the counseling
sessions. You must have a firm basis of support built
up by this point, because the client will need a lot of
encouragement as he faces his struggle head on. Begin
to work with the client to develop steps to break the
addiction cycle. Help raise awareness to the emotional
triggers that often accompany their dredging into
pornographic material. Clinton and Trent list the
following helpful acronym: HALT (hungry, angry, lonely,
and tired). Encourage the client to show extra caution
when he finds himself in any of these states.
Also, help the client develop strategies to overcome
the battles he will face. Sbraga and O’Donohue (2003)
suggest three specific strategies when dealing with
pornography:
1) Avoidance Strategy – There are steps the client can
take to prevent him from even getting into high-risk
situations. For example, if he is particularly
vulnerable while waiting alone at the bus stop, or
being in his office alone, he can change shifts to a
time when there are more people surrounding him. Or, he
can read a book, listen to music, make phone calls, or
do some other form of activity to distract him from the
lure to fall back into the addiction. If the main venue
he views pornography through is the Internet, he may
choose to never access the computer when his wife is
not nearby. It would also help to place the computer in
a highly visible location of the home, such as the
living room.
2) Control Strategy – These are steps the client can
take when for whatever reason he does find himself in a
high-risk environment. Help him develop the habits such
as “bouncing his eyes” away from tantalizing material,
and to focus instead on something healthy. If the
client is a Christian (as the man in our scenario is),
give him Scripture passages to memorize, such as 1 Cor.
10:13, and have him recite it whenever he is struggling
to keep his thoughts from wandering into the realm of
pornography.
3) Escape Strategies – These are steps the client can
take in extreme circumstances to physically flee from
seductions to return to the addiction. Have him make a
list of people he can call who will hold him
accountable, and support him in the midst of an intense
struggle. Help him determine ahead of time how he will
respond when faced with such a situation. For example,
help him to decide that the next time he faces a
struggle, he will choose to physically leave the
location, and go to a coffee shop for an hour, or a
park, and just spend some time reading or praying.
It’s also important to show the client the addiction
cycle, and explain to him how the various aspects play
off of each other, and why he struggles so much to
overcome his addiction. The cycle is as follows:
Once the
client sees it visualized in this manner, it may be
easier for him to see how to break the cycle, and what
he is really looking for. Also, have him point out to
you where he most often finds himself in the cycle.
Step
6: Making Plans
Dr. Mark
Laaser (2004) lists five components of treatment:
1) Stopping sexual behaviors. This means stopping the
use of the three building blocks that are so often the
foundation for sexual addiction, fantasy, masturbation
and the use of pornography. However, this will not be
easy for the client. To help aid this break, have them
sign an abstinence contract. This contract should
stipulate that they stop all sexual behaviors for at
least 90 days. This will reverse the level of
neuro-chemical tolerance addicts have built into their
brains. It also reverses the client’s core belief that
“sex is the most important need.” Counseling will also
play a key role in helping them to cope with their deep
emotional needs. Medical help may also be sought at
this stage to help deal with possible severe
depression, anxiety, and attention disorders. Further,
make sure the client has a strong support group around
him. If he does not come from a supportive family, help
enroll him in some type of outpatient program to give
him the outside encouragement he needs. If the problem
still persists unabated, consider the possibility of
enrolling him in an inpatient treatment program.
2) Stopping rituals. Begin by helping the client to
clearly define his ritual. For example, does he begin
by finding time alone at a computer, going to a massage
parlor, search for lewd books at the library, etc. The
more he knows about his habits, the better he will be
able to topple them. After he has defined his ritual,
help him set up roadblocks. This could be setting up
strong filters on his computer, setting up a monitoring
service on his computer, becoming accountable to other
people, or discontinuing the use of the Internet all
together. It is also key to develop healthy emotional,
physical and spiritual disciplines and rituals. Help
him to develop his support group around him that will
give him the affirmation he so desperately needs.
3) Stopping fantasy. The client needs to realize that
there is an underlying need driving his fantasies. It
has three objectives: a) to distract from painful
feelings, b) to fill deep desires they don’t feel can
be met any other way, and c) it enables the addict to
replay past sexual abuse experiences, but with two
potential differences; either there is a different
outcome to the activity, or the addict gets to be the
initiator rather than the victim. Help the client to
discover what their fantasies symbolize, and what needs
of the wounded self they represent. Finally, guide them
in making healthy choices to meet those needs.
4) Healing despair. Guilt can be helpful because it
points us to our own unworthiness and our need for God.
But, if it is allowed to go unchecked for a prolonged
period of time, it can quickly become unhealthy. It
must be dealt with. The client must delve into the
trauma and wounds they have experienced. The ultimate
way to heal from guilt, shame and wounds is to find
meaning in them with God’s help. Instead of letting
these wounds drive him away
from God,
let the wounds drive him to
God. He
truly is the Master Healer.
5) Additional issues. Keep in mind that healing from a
sexual addiction is a lifelong process. You never fully
“arrive” in that you can never fall again. So while the
treatment strategies listed above deal more with the
intense period of healing which needs to take place in
the first several years of recovery, it is a daily
commitment to maintain that purity that the client
needs to adopt into their thinking.
If the client has been abused, he should
begin the healing
process of confronting the past and dealing with it. He
should also seek to heal any relationships in his life
that may have been damaged by his addiction. Help the
client to realize his utter dependence upon God and His
grace. Show him that victory is not of our own
strength, but through His. Prepare him for the fact
that slips and relapses may occur, especially in the
initial stages of recovery. Help him to see what went
wrong, and how to avoid that mistake in the future.
Most importantly, help him to deepen His walk with
Christ. Help him to discover God’s calling, plan and
purpose for his life, and write them down. Not
necessarily life-changing goals, but rather the simple
things, such as, “I seek to serve my spouse and not
hurt her anymore.”
In order to be affective at this stage of counseling,
both the client and the counselor must be aware of the
root cause that is driving the addiction. Once this is
established, the client can look at new ways
in which to
channel the energy he had previously been pouring into
the addiction. Once the addiction cycle is broken, a
void is created in the client’s life. This void must be
filled with a healthy alternative, or the cycle will
continue.
Step 6: Obtaining Commitment
Have the
client sign a commitment contract that has definite,
positive action steps that he can own and realistically
accomplish. For example, “I commit to: a) bounce my
eyes, b) flee temptation, c) memorize Scripture, pray
daily, and practice other spiritual disciplines, d)
spend time with my family, e) call a friend or support
group partner.” While this does not guarantee success,
it often helps the client to hold something concrete in
their hand, and sign their name at the bottom of a
contract stating they will accomplish these goals.
Conclusion:
We must
remember that healing is a process, but eventually,
through God’s grace, we can overcome. Barna Research
Group (2009) published these wise words of counsel for
those dealing with addiction:
1) Confess
your sin to God (1 John 1:9). 2) Ask God to cleanse,
renew, and transform your mind (Romans 12:2). 3) Ask
God to fill your mind with Philippians 4:8.
4)
Learn to possess your body in holiness (1 Thessalonians
4:3-4). 5) Understand the proper meaning of sex and
rely on your spouse alone to meet that need (1
Corinthians 7:1-5). 6) Realize that if you walk in the
Spirit, you will not fulfill the lusts of the flesh
(Galatians 5:16). 7) Take practical steps to reduce
your exposure to graphic images. Install pornography
blockers on your computer, limit television and video
usage, and find another Christian who will pray for you
and help keep you accountable (Morality
Continues to Decline,).
It is
important to remember that God wants our client to be
free from his addiction much more than the client ever
could. And with all of heaven rallying its forces
behind Him, anything is possible (Phil. 4:13). We close
with these astounding and encouraging words from Jude
1:24, “Now to Him who is
able to keep you from stumbling, and to
make you stand in
the presence of His glory blameless
with great
joy, to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ
our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion and authority,
before all time and now and forever. Amen”
(NASB).
Reference
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